How Can I Play a More Active Role During Sex?
There’s a lot you can do while laying down.
You could have your parter lay next to you while you spoon them and stimulate their genitals. You could have your partner sit on your face while you just go to town with your mouth/nose.
If body positioning is a problem, you can use a sex‐wedge like the Liberator.
You could use any number of dildos, butt‐plugs, cock‐rings, etc., to stimulate your partner in ways that your body may not otherwise be capable. Sites like Babeland are a great resource for stuff like this. When it comes to sex, you’re only limited by your partner’s consent and your own imagination.
Take the time to explore your body, and understand what parts of sex are the most meaningful and the most difficult for you. Do you really need to be on top to feel like you’re participating? Or can you fulfill your desire to play a more active role simply by doing everything you can to stimulate your partner? Is sex for you more about the journey or the destination? These are the kinds of questions you need to have answered before you can really start feeling comfortable with yourself as a sexual being.
You said you want to be able to do hookups, and there’s nothing wrong with that. However, I have a feeling you might find greater sexual satisfaction if you focused on having a small number of long‐term partners that are willing to explore and experiment with you and work with your body instead of having a bunch of random partners who leave you feeling like you didn’t do enough to fulfill their expectations of what they think sex should be.